fuckin' cops, fuckin' die! (wanna die, wanna die)
don't chop off my toenails, my toenails!!!!
pimp life, plush loft on the upper west side
slangin' rocks from the crib tryin' to get mine
landlord threw me out when he saw what i was about
now i'm livin' face down in the ditch, no doubt
but let me tell you a story 'bout my days of glory
'bout me and this bitch, it goes somethin' like this
yo man when i bust it on the mic, i bust it like it don't stop
i bust it like it don't stop, compton style nigga
you wanna bust that shit?
late one night when i was out on the town
i couldn't get any ass so i was wearin' a frown
tried the clubs, but the chumps wouldn't let me in
i had no chance 'cause they saw that i was under 10
9 years old tryin' to get some booty
tryin' to get my swerve on with some fine cutie
right about now i was walkin' the street
i never give up, i never known defeat
it was 10 o'clock, i was wanderin' the town
so i went in a restaurant and sat my ass down
ordered up some food, i was hungry as fuck
saw a fine bitch and thought that i would press my luck
i said "what's up ho, how 'bout we get it on? right here, right now, put your mouth on my schlong"
she said "hey, fly guy" with a smile on her face, she ran across the room
so i gave her a chase
she slipped on some grease, and fell with grace
but she ended up falling on her motherfucking face
i said "are you alright?" as she screamed in pain
so i pulled out my pecker and drained the main vein
she said "hey, homeboy, i like how you pee, why don't you help my ass up and come home with me?"
i scooped her on up as we swooped to her ride
but little did i know there were some jackers outside!
they pulled their gats, and popped a few caps
but little did they know that my bitch was strapped
she pulled out a nine from the small of her back
and shot the motherfuckers right in the nutsack
they was hurtin' like fuck but they wasn't dead
so i gave 'em all a blast to the mothafuckin' head
the bullets hit hard and shattered their domes
then we hopped in her ride and straight drove the fuck home
we got to her house and walked in the door
she wanted me to play rough and call her a whore
she said "pee on my face, and drip on my chin, then throw up my legs and stick it right in"
i said "sure thing, bitch" as i started to wizz, but instead of piss it came out as jizz
i said "it was good for me, was it good for you? i'm done with this shit, let's take a dip in the pool"
she said "i'm dumbfounded"
think how dumb that sounded
i fell in the pool and i damn near drownded
she said "are you ok? do you need some help?"
i said "i'm alright, i can get out by myself"
i was doin' alright without her help
then to my surprise i saw a motherfucking elf
he said "i'll grant you 3 wishes if you know what i mean
and you don't even need no damn magic bean"
i didn't like the ramifications of his social contract
i stole the keys to his honda, it was a compact
i decided not to leave before he granted my wishes
i said "give me a G-ride with sixteen switches
14 a.k.'s with scopes on 'em too
and a big fat nine so i can smoke you, foo'"
he said "i can't grant a wish that'll make myself die
so how 'bout a chili dog and some curly fries?"
i said "i just had that shit earlier this night, so give me my shit or we're fixin' to fight"
he had no choice in the matter so he granted my wish
so i hopped in my ride and rolled off with my bitch
for the next 5 years i raped and pillaged
i rolled from town to town, village to village
screwing every bitch that i came across
feelin' no remorse, feelin' no big loss
til' one day i was horny and just got paid
thought i'd find myself a whore and go get laid
so i went downtown to Broadway and 5th
rolled up to the corner and spotted me a bitch
i was gettin' all excited, said "get in"
"if you want a blowjob, it'll cost you $10
if you want to go all the way, it'll cost you more
now give me the cash, 'cause i'm a prostitute whore"
then my dick was so hard, it was ready to pop
'til she said "freeze, man, i'm a motherfuckin' cop"
that made me real pissed, so i pulled out my glock
shot her 5 or 4 times and watched the body drop
pop!